If you happen to be a twelve year-old girl or a gay boy — or if you will encounter either of these genotypes sometime today — my sincere condolences. David Archuleta failed to capture the American Idol crown last night, leaving these two groups plenty petulant. As for me personally, I'm shocked, dismayed and even a bit disappointed in the text-messaging might of tweens everywhere.

Despite Archuleta's pervasive Utah schoolboy innocence and general cheek-squeezing cuteness, the Other David (Cook) received a surplus of some 18 million votes, as Ryan (smug) Seacrest informed viewers doggedly, as if this were actually important, or something. (Wait: Doesn't AI tally more votes than most Presidential elections? Oh yeah.)

What happened? Conventional wisdom, of course, designated Archuleta the clear victor — kids are more likely to vote, and vote repeatedly, for talent contests — aren't they?

Sure, at least when the votes are not terminal. Think of the American Idol elimination episodes as political primaries: generally speaking (though less so this year), only the hardcore politicos bother to participate. The majority of voting Americans wait until the vote is truly decisive and cast their determinations in the general election, or in this case, after the final elimination episode.

I wouldn't feel too sorry, though, for Archuleta. AI's final vote is largely inconsequential, considering the frequency with which the American public is known for changing its mind (see Ruben vs. Clay, Jennifer Hudson, George Bush); and accounting for the wide net cast in this mega-vote, which includes vast swaths of people that buy very little music in the first place.

In other words, the previous votes are clearer indicators of purchasing preferences, since they are concentrated among a younger base of music-buying individuals.

Archuleta will clear an easy $500K or more opening for the Jonas Brothers or Jesse McCartney and hawking iTunes downloads of treacly, Backstreet Boys-like ballads to counterpoint with the aforementioned artists' teeny dance-pop ditties. He has the sonic sincerity, he has the looks and he barely says a word — he's the perfect fantasy boyfriend. (And bonus for dads: David Archuleta does not look like a kid that would ever violate your daughter, or even know how, for that matter. Nice and swarmy and safe - perfect parental fodder.)

David Cook, on the other hand, comes off like a weaker imprint of Chris Daughtry — just as Ruben came off as a weaker imprint of Luther Vandross.

Despite the massive television exposure, AI contestants are successful in selling units only when they fill a hole in the established music market: Kelly Clarkson, Clay Aiken and even Carrie Underwood were not simply diluted imitations of other, more established artists. They were packaged and exhibited as unique acts in their own right.

This perception, so broadly consumed by the young, coltish, AE-shopping, retainer-wearing music buying public, will always trump the votes of the summer-homing, suit-wearing, tax-paying but non-music-buying class. After all, when 48 year-old men buy concert tickets, it's normally to take their kids to see a show, not their wives. Which means Archuleta will win the vote that truly counts — not the one made with text messages and autodialers, but the far more stealthy suffrage of Visa, MasterCard and American Express.